I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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