There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
