They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
