What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
