I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
