Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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