Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
