I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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