I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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