I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
As shirtless as possible
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
