everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
