So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
