sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
