i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Girls should come with a carfax report
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
