god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize