Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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