If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
