the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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