Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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