You smell like stripper and shame
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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