I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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