2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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