ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
