I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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