Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
