someone threw a dead crab at me
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
