Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize