watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
sarcasm needs its own font
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
