so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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