Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
