all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
