____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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