I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
