It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
