At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
