SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
