I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
