Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We got so high we made milksteak
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
