How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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