He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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