how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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