My liver just broke up with me...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
