she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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