did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
