I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
