The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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