doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
