I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
