I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
