it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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