It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
