Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
