that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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