chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just want nice things and good sex
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
