its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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