I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
