I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
