**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
