Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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