so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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