you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
