i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize