She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
