You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
