im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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