ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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